All Wrapped Up In My Grief
I haven’t written as much as I’d like recently. I’ve been all up in my feels. I try to look at the bright side, which is that I have worked hard to be capable of feeling this deeply. I have worked for years to access this grief, and to embrace all its faces. It is still difficult to do this work. Grief has taken up so much of my time, attention, and energy recently. The day-to-day goings-on are a primary source of grief for me. Chores and meal times and getting ready for bed remind me of the caregiver I lost. Walking each step and tending to my body’s needs reminds me of my journey through chronic illness. Budgeting and projecting meeting my needs reminds me of poverty and desperation and need. These are reminders pointing towards gratitude for this moment, but they are also reminders of deep losses, searing pains, and the worst days of my life. I did not grieve my caregiver when she passed. I moved on and shut the door behind me, as I always did. The grief lived inside me, and I c...