Wardrobe Reflections: Aprons and Memories

[What is Wardrobe Reflections? As I’ve discovered my personal identity, what I choose to wear has become an important part of reminding myself of who I am. If I wear clothes that remind me of my values, interests, or goals, I am more likely to feel confident, secure, and motivated in my day to day life. “Wardrobe Reflections” is a way to examine and share why specific clothing items are important to me and how they make me feel.]

The winter holiday season is more difficult for me than any other time of year. There are many reasons for this, though I won’t get into them today. Even when I was a young child, the “magic of Christmas” didn’t seem to penetrate the cloud of darkness I felt around me. Each year, I would struggle to sum up the enthusiasm and gratitude I knew was expected. I have always been relieved when the festivities are over and I can go home to my bed and just be alone.

Although family gatherings tended to be emotionally exhausting, there were always positive moments. One of those moments was hanging out in the kitchen where the cooking and baking happens. Regardless of which gathering I attended, I could count on at least one Grandma or Auntie to be working industriously while everyone else milled around. Keeping her company, watching her work, listening to gossip or advice, and accepting the honor of small tasks have offered moments of grounding and relief in the chaos that is the holidays.

While I no longer attend the gatherings I used to, and generally choose to reserve my energy much of this season, I still find comfort in meditating on the efforts of these women. Both through the food they put their effort towards and the warm, welcoming space created and maintained, they showed love to their family. This is something I have been striving to do for myself and my home.

As I’ve learned to better care for myself, my home, and those who live with me, I began to notice something missing. When I’m doing the chores, I need something to wipe my hands on or protect my clothes from getting damaged. Unsurprisingly, I realized I needed an apron, something to cover my front while working around the house. Surprisingly, I couldn’t figure out where to buy a useful, aesthetically pleasing apron. Everywhere I went I found pretty, flimsy aprons that couldn’t handle the job, or plain chef’s aprons that were way over qualified.

I finally found the perfect apron in a place I never considered: The Mennonite Heritage Village Museum. On a big rack at the front of the gift shop were dozens of aprons in various sizes and beautiful prints. They were the shape I was looking for, durable, and had pockets. The only difficulty was choosing just one!

Now I wear my apron nearly every day. I find it practical and useful for more reasons than staying tidy. When I put on my apron, I feel proud to be doing the work my grandmothers and aunts did for me and generations before. It reminds me to be mindful and intentional in my chores, working for the betterment of my own life and those of my loved ones. When I take off my apron, it is a reminder to set my work aside and recognize an opportunity for rest or play. These reminders and others, aided by my apron, help me to accomplish my tasks efficiently and with a good attitude. And these small accomplishments feel greater when remembering how many of my ancestors must have stood in the same way doing the same tasks with the same loving intent.

[Note on Traditional Gender Roles: I do not subscribe to the imposing of gendered roles in any context. I specify "women", “Grandmas",  and "Aunts” because this is my personal experience and reflective of the traditional gender roles established in my community of origin.]